Eggs Without Partners

A New Milestone!

This two week wait is flying by, which is fine with me, but I achieved a new milestone this week with Weight Watchers. My weight this week is 163.5 and with my height of 5’2″ makes my BMI 29.9. I am officially no longer obese and am now merely overweight. 🙂 Whoot whoot!

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TWW

The infamous TWW begins. The SA was much better (compared to last time). We were very excited to see 20% motility and grade 2. As we remember last time we had grade 0-1 and and an asterisk * for motility instead of an actual number. We also had three eggs. So while the sample wasn’t stellar, it was 100000000 times better than what we had in November. So we wait.

The trip was mostly uneventful except for the part where Dr. S forgot to tell me that he is in surgeries on Tuesdays and we would be seeing a different doctor. >:| Hubbie takes care of business and we walk around like old pros. We walk in like we own the place with our brown paper sack and then I about had a snit fit when the nurse informed me that Dr. B would be doing my insemination. What?!? So I undress and Dr. B walks in, introduces himself, and manages to do the most painful insemination ever all the while talking to my husband. I felt completely invisible. It takes talent for a doctor to do this while shoving a cold metal speculum up a hoo-ha.

I feel ok about this. I’m ecstatic that the SA improved in the last 6 months and this gives me hope that if the IUI doesn’t take this month we have a good shot at continued improvement. Maybe this isn’t the end of the line for us after all.

P.S. This week’s weight is 164.5, down 28 lbs total. WHOO.

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Three is the Magic Number

2 eggs on the right and 1 on the left. Excellent lining building up. We trigger Monday morning and go in Tuesday afternoon for insemination #2. That’s an even better response than the last time. Crossing my fingers the hubbies numbers will increase as well.

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Two steps forwards, one Step back

I apologize for the blog absence. I started falling off the wagon and was ashamed to post I had gained three pounds. For the past month I have been flirting with three pounds, gain it, lose it, gain it, lose it. This week I am down to 166 lbs for a total of 26.5 which is awesome for 3.5 months. I’m not knocking it.

We finally closed on our new home and we have a buyer for our old home. Pieces I thought would be awkwardly hanging out there forever are starting to come together. In the fall, I move up from leading ages 5-7 in Girl Scouts to leading Grades 6-8. I am super excited to be working with this age group and am planning lots of fun things for them to do.

While we seem to be having a run of good luck, the Hubbie and I decided to go for IUI #2. He has been off all oral, topical, and IV antibiotics for 3.5 months. We hope that is the reason for his non motile swimmers and are praying for a better SA this time around. I have my ultrasound in the am to check for eggs. I feel good about this.

Mother’s Day was really hard this year. I skipped my church service to go with my grandma to her church. I sat through all the Mother’s Day awards they handed out (oldest mother, youngest mother, mother with most family present, etc…) and started turning into that woman. The one who is sniveling in public, the one who is getting ready to sob in public in front of my grandmother like a 5 year old child. During support group women talked about these episodes and I thought, “I’m so glad I’m not acting like that. I can go about this without embarrassing myself.” I don’t think my allergies excuse held much weight that day. I could only pray, “please don’t let this sermon be about the joys of motherhood. Please be with me Lord, I can’t take a whole sermon about this.” He is wondrous and heard my prayer because I got to sit through a sermon about satan being in the church. Then I went to the cemetery where I cried on my poor dead grandfather’s shoulder (not literally) and then on my grandmother’s best friend’s shoulder while she held me. I pulled myself together and drove to my Mother’s house (crying on the way) and then sobbed on her. At that point I was ready to go home, feeling like every nerve ending I had was exposed, raw, and open. I hated feeling like that. My husband had told me he wasn’t coming to visit my family with me and I felt more alone than I had in my whole life. Alone in my struggle and alone in my family. None of them understand. They try, but they can’t if they have never been there. Then out of no where my Hubbie’s yellow mustang pulled up the driveway and I realized the stinker had lied about coming and had been on his way the whole time. All of a sudden I wasn’t alone in my struggle, my partner in crime was there supporting me! Once I realized that, I was able to pull myself back together.

So we decided to try another IUI. However, I feel so terribly alone this time around. I feel like I don’t have anyone to tell that cares. I haven’t really told anyone. Every couple from our support group has crossed over to the fertile side. All my fellow infertiles are no longer infertile. We are the last ones. My friends are now starting on babies 2 and 3. Everyone talks about how frustrating infertility is, how sad it is, but all I can think about lately is how lonely it is. I pray this is our shot to cross over to the other side.

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Forward Momentum

This weeks loss is 1 lb. total down is 17.5. I’ve been slacking a bit and having to use a lot of my weekly points can’t goal this week is to stay strong and keep in trucking. Gotta quit giving in in the small things like lemon cupcakes, or a home cooked breakfast made by each of my grandmother’s. two in one weekend spoiled me! 🙂

Still a loss is a loss. Can’t all be 6 lb weeks.

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